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The Gift 

By Roy Harper 
It was right around midnight
and I heard a clatter
I wasn't concerned what was the matter
I fluffed my pillow and reassured Ma - 
"Go back to sleep : It's Santa Claus." 

Down the chimney to the living room
He took care of business like a sonic boom;
And then I heard a "Ho, Ho, Ho", 
And I knew off he'd go. 

But, all of a sudden I heard a thump, thump, thump
Perhaps Santa's sleigh on my house did bump.
So I decided I better take a look.
I put up the ladder and climbed to the roof. 

Now, I knew Santa had looked in his book
And he'd found that I've been good,
but up on the roof what did appear
a special gift from a reindeer. 

I've seen droppings before but never this size
fall out of the clouds or down from the sky
Here was something earthly made
a miniture sewer on my roof did lay
The size of a bowling ball
The smell of chocolate chip
And over the side of my roof; An awful drip. 

Then Ma awoke to look outside
There she saw a terrible sight - 
Tho not too smart, she did know
That brown is not the color of snow. 

I took double strength garbage bag to the roof
and admidst the prints of reindeer hoof - 
I took my shovel and held my nose
Put the 'gift' in the bag, and got the hose. 

As I watered the mess to the ground
I looked up for a passing sound
It was Santa's sleigh, reindeer collars going jingle
Santa waved - I gave the reindeer the finger - 
"Goodnight to All" I heard him say
"Hey Santa - next year come without the sleigh." 

Have no doubt that Santa is real
He does come each and every year
The evidence left behind is surely the proof
cause I was blessed with Rudolph's poop.

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Last Updated Saturday, November 20th, 2004